Jon Foreman 3 Day Fast for Darfur: Day 3 Blog Entry

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Darfur Fast Blog 4, Day 3: Four Morning Thoughts
I woke up early. It's day number three of the fast and I am definitely feeling it... I crawl out of bed and have four immediate thoughts:

My first thought: I have access to clean water and a roof to sleep under. I have a bed. I have my guitar. In this fast I was hoping to join in solidarity with those who are fasting without an option; and yet the hunger I have right now is nothing compared to the despair of Darfur. Robbed of dignity, robbed of their homes, these refugees are on the run from brutal violence and rape, seeking out any form of hope. The smallest bit of hunger that I feel this morning cannot even be compared to the hunger that Darfur woke up with today: a hunger for dignity, a hunger for freedom, a hunger for so much more than simply food.

My second though was this: I need so much grace. I need so much patience. I need so many second chances. Even in this fast, I'm sure my motives are impure most the time. I might be drinking only water but it's my mind and my heart that are corrupted and impure. I would like to think that I have it all together but I don't- from the
little things: I screw up the time and end up running late way too often- to the big things: I get overwhelmed at suffering and sorrow in the world and sometimes would rather turn the other way. And in my hopes to get things right I can be extremely judgmental of everyone everything around me. Dang it. I'm sorry all. God is so patient with me. My friends and family are so patient with me. I need to learn how to pass this grace along.

My third thought was along these lines: we are meant to live and love in community- to grow old together having shared laughter and pain and joy- to love each other through the painful spots. But we're so bent and hurt that we drive each other away. We've been so broken and shattered (Speaking out of experience here!), that we are driven to
break and shatter the ones around us. Call it our fallen nature, or look to Freud and call it our death urge... might as well call it the front page of the newspaper. The fact is: we are driven to pieces, destroying ourselves and those around us in the search for meaning. No life is meant to be lived alone. We know this and yet on a planet with millions of people we drive lonely cars and work lonely jobs. We start lonely wars and buy lonely houses.

My fourth thought: Everything on this capital planet is worth what we will pay for it. The "worth" of gold rises and falls according to public opinion. The housing market, meats and vegetables, vintage guitars, oil... The trouble is that people fall into this category as well. The value of human life and dignity... What's it worth? Is it worth my time? Is it worth risking national security? Is it worth more than oil? Is it worth getting out of my comfort zone to help someone out? What we ascribe worth to is what we "worth-ship" - and what we worship is most evident with our time and money. Stock up treasures in heaven where moths and rust cannot destroy.

What's the meaning of life? What's worth living for? We live out those answers everyday in our choices. It's a tremendous amount of power, (accompanied with fear and trembling). The staggering realization is this: you've been loaned the power to determine what's "worth it" in your lifetime. Every hour of life affords a tremendous amount of spending power; choose wisely with your time, it's one of your most valuable resources.