Really?

Gone. Like yesterday. Like Al Pacino's mom. Like Keyser Soze. Gone. Like my backpack. Gone.

Here's the rundown: After school today, I went out to dinner with some friends and then went back to their apartment to hang out. After this, we went to this cool american bar called the Blind eye. Since I hadn't gone home yet, I still had my backpack with me. I hung up my coat in a lonely corner and made the mistake of leaving my backpack underneath it. It was 10 feet from this backpack all night, so I didn't think I would have a problem. After winning about 8 foosball games in a row (the highlight of the night) I went to get my stuff to go, grabbed my coat, leaned down to grab my backpa.... and just like that *poof* it's gone.

What really bothers me is that I came so close to going home like 3 different times that night. I can play the what if game all night, and I probably will, but why oh why couldn't I have just gone home. It's hard to see this turning into a blessing in disguise in any way or form right now.

Here's what I lost: The backpack itself, which kinda has sentimental meaning because I've used it for everything since 7th grade. Gloves, all my notes from my Czech class, all my pre-prague notes and ideas, my nalgene that I've been using for the past 4 years...and here is where it gets bad:

My two journals. The only things in the entire bag that I really cared about. They were priceless. I was just about to fill entire spiral notebook. Just about to be done with it and go and get a new one and leave the other one at home just to read in. I had been writing in that thing constantly since August. I wrote all about my USC experiences, and through all of last semester and into Prague. Just today on the train back from Poland I wrote three pages in reflection to my time in Prague so far.

The last thing I wrote about was about visiting Auschwitz. I'll write more about it later, but basically the feeling I came away with leaving Auschwitz was wonder at how people could be so evil. I wrote about how horrible it was that that many people died at Auschwitz for nothing more than the color of their skin and the kind of blood pumping through their veins. I hope whoever opens up that backpack tonight to examine their newly stolen treasure realizes what they've done. They gained no monetary value whatsoever. I had my wallet, my phone, and my keys on me. My ipod and camera were at home, thank God. I hope whoever stole my journals (worthless to them, priceless to me) sits down and reads them. I hope my extremely raw and private thoughts drill home in some criminal's brain. I hope they can change him. It wasn't just my thoughts, feelings and emotions that were poured into those journals, it was ideas. Story ideas. Film ideas. All gone. Just like that.

I was just entering the stage of having kind of a hard time being away from home, and friends, and familar faces and places. This pushed me over the edge. I haven't felt such righteous anger in a long time. Walking home for 15 minutes in the 30 degree cold at 2 in the morning gave me time to contemplate. I knew I had two options: To choose anger and to be filled with thoughts of revenge and hate, or I could choose to forgive, forget, let go and let God fill me with his grace. I chose the latter. But I've got to tell you, its not like I felt better all of a sudden. I understand the situation could have been worse, much worse. But it still stuck a pain in my gut that is hard for me to shake right now. I'm angry. I'm tired of always having to worry about stuff getting stolen. This is seriously going to put a dent in my confidence when it comes to bringing anything with me out into public, especially my video camera.

Please pray for me. I need it. I don't really have anyone around that I want to talk to about this. I've got friends here, but not the kind you lean on, the kind you vent with, the kind that just let you listen. I got plenty "Dude I'm sorry", "That sucks bro" and "Dude I'm sorry that sucks bro." Thanks. I know. I know, what else are they supposed to say? I'm just upset. Upset that I live in a place where I always have to watch my stuff. This wouldn't have happened back home.

I've had it. I'm going to sleep. I haven't slept for about 21 hours. I'm sleeping in, because tomorrow is the first day I'll have been able to sleep in for like 10 days.

Don't steal.

(And yeah, my passport is at home, safe and sound...)